Thank you, Geoffrey.
- Mom. - It's only a weekend.
Besides, at your age, you should be able to...
baby-sit your little sister.
Why can't Geoffrey baby-sit her?
Because we're giving him the weekend off.
You mean I'm going to have to get my own breakfast, too?
Am I being punished for something?
I was just asking myself that same question.
But, Dad, I'm only nine.
Can't Hilary take care of herself?
Hi, Hilary.
Ashley, you be a good girl while we're in Palm Springs.
Well, I'm in a bad mood, and somebody is going to suffer.
Please take me with you.
If I could, sweetie, I'd put you in my pocket...
but this retreat is just for members of the law firm and their spouses.
No kids allowed.
Man, this is going to be hype.
Yo, Palm Springs, the home of the dental floss bikini.
Will, before you get your mojo working...
I think there's something you should know:
You're not going.
You better tell that to my mojo because his bags is packed.
That's Henry and Margaret. Geoffrey, would you get that, please?
Right away, sir. I shall tend to my hernia a bit later.
Uncle Phil, I don't think you want to leave me here all weekend...
with no adult supervision.
Did you see that movie House Party?
No. Did you see The Terminator?
Mr. and Mrs. Furth.
Kids, the limo's waiting. We'll drive right to the helicopter.
- Helicopter? - I just got my license.
My man, Henry.
Wouldn't it be nice...
if you could have your car with you in Palm Springs?
What if you could find a nice, responsible young man...
to drive it there for you?
Will, that's a super idea.
Carlton, you're a nice, responsible young man.
And you're an eminent, respected attorney...
and your wife is a dazzling beauty.
Yo, G.
Did you leave a vacuum cleaner on? I just heard a loud sucking noise.
Carlton, old sport...
would you like to drive my Mercedes to Palm Springs this weekend?
You could hang around the retreat, play some golf...
You know, the chicks in Palm Springs wear the skimpiest of bikinis.
I sure could use a good game of golf.
Good show. See you there.
Okay, everybody. Last one in the chopper is a rotten egg.
- See you, kiddo. - Be good.
Okay. Take care.
- See you, Dad. Have a good trip. - Okay, son.
Why so glum, chum?
It was my idea for me to drive his car to Palm Springs.
How come he asked you to do it?
This is a Black thing, isn't it?
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
HOLLYWOOD
CALIFORNIA FRESH
Plans for Palm Springs.
One: Work on golf swing.
Two: Review SAT practice book.
Three: Ask Mr. Furth about a summer internship.
Four: Get the stick out of your butt!
Way to go, Will. You almost made us crash.
What do you think you're doing here anyway?
Come on, just relax. Pretend I'm not even here.
Gladly.
What you eating?
For crying out loud.
Can I have some?
All right, Will.
I'll share my snack with you on one condition.
When we get to Palm Springs, you'll behave like a proper gentleman...
and try to maintain some sense of decorum and etiquette.
- Understood? - Yeah.
Good. What do you say to an Oreo?
I say, "What's up, Carlton?"
I can't believe we're lost.
What's the name of this street? "Arguello Drive."
Maybe that'll get us back to the freeway.
Here, let me check.
No, man. No freeways. Carlton, look out! A low bridge!
Look, thanks a lot, man.
Now we got to go back and get my head!
And I really liked that head.
Can the yuck fest, Will.
We're lost. And it's all your fault.
You the one who ain't bring no map.
- You had to go to the bathroom. - You're the one that gave me that Shasta.
- Is that the police? - Punch it, man. We're in a Benz.
Are you crazy? I call this a lucky break.
A policeman is our pal. We can ask him for directions.
Listen to me, when he comes up, keep your hands on the wheel.
- Good evening, Officer. Carlton Banks. - Keep your hands on the wheel.
- Where are you headed? - We're going to Palm Springs. And you?
Where are you headed this fine evening?
Good job. Now he's gonna want to see your license.
Right.
Can I see your license?
My license? I have to warn you...
this picture was taken without my contacts.
And the height is a typo, I'm actually a lot taller.
Fool, this is not The Love Connection.
- Vehicle registration, please. - Just a sec.
But the thing is, Officer, this isn't my car.
- Get out of the car. - What?
He's going to tell us to get out of the car.
- You watch too much TV. - Get out of the car.
Officer, honestly, I don't see the need to...
Hey, out of the car now.
Hey, Carlton.
Thanks to you we're already an hour late to bikini land.
So when they interrogate us, which they like to do...
keep all your answers short and sweet.
Will, I know how to handle this. I'm pre-law.
Okay, fellas, let's start at the beginning.
- Where are you from? - LA.
- Not exactly... - Next question, please.
Let's hear what your friend has to say.
Actually we come from Bel-Air.
In fact, we live two houses away from the Reagans.
We have the same pool man.
And where were you headed to?
- The desert. Next question, please. - Not just the desert.
Palm Springs.
We're going to a legal retreat at Henry Furth's villa.
He's my father's partner and the owner of the car we're driving.
He is, is he?
Then why didn't he drive it himself to Palm Springs?
Because his wife flew everybody in her helicopter.
Okay, fellas, we've had a lot of car thefts in the area lately.
- You want to talk about it? - Okay, I think it's terrible.
You making fun of me, kid?
You're the one who wanted to talk about it.
Quite frankly, I think it's a matter for the police to handle.
Carlton, they're handling it now.
What on earth are you talking about?
They think we stole the Benz.
Officers, let me call Henry Furth. He's the owner of the car.
He'll straighten everything out.
Sure. And while you're at it...
you might want to give Ron and Nancy a ring-a-ding-ding.
Come on. It is up! It's up!
Yes!
You bum. You miserable bum!
What a great game.
Would you get that, honey?
- Hello? - May I speak to Philip Banks?
Thanks? For what?
No, I said, "Philip Banks." Can I speak to him?
I don't see him. He must have stepped out.
Can you call back later?
No. Is Mr. Furth there?
Yes. This is Mrs. Furth.
Mrs. Furth, this is Carlton Banks.
Carlton, how are you, dear?
You've got to get a message to my father. It's very important. I'm in jail.
Yale? Marvelous.
I've got to go now. See you soon, dear.
Philip, Vivian, Carlton just called.
- Is everything all right? - I should say so.
He got into Yale.
Yale? That's my alma mater.
Carlton's only a sophomore. He's not applying to college yet.
You know Margaret. I'm sure she got it wrong.
It probably wasn't Yale or Carlton. It probably wasn't even the phone.
I'm not getting back in that helicopter with her.
It's all right, man. Chill. I get a phone call, too.
C, it's all right. Chill.
Get it.
SHE
Hilary, you're sitting right next to the phone.
I don't care. I'm your babysitter. I command you.
Phone.
Let me know if it's for me.
But, Miss Hilary, I'm off duty.
And you're sitting right next to the phone.
Yeah, but you're facing the phone.
Lazy House.
G, what up?
This is Will, man. I need a big favor.
I'm tired of doing favors for you spoilt children.
I'm off duty. I am not an animal.
Yo, man.
I need another phone call. My butler hung up on me.
Okay, fellas. You want to talk about those other car thefts?
I don't think you know who you're talking to.
I have a 3.95 grade point average...
which would have been 4.0, except I had to take a ceramics class...
and my pot exploded in my kiln.
I'm going to go to Harvard Law School, graduate with honors...
and then I'm going to sue you blind.
Now give us another phone call.
I think he likes you.
This is terrible. I'm ruined.
I'll be kicked out of the glee club, I won't get into Princeton.
I won't be admitted to the bar.
Neither will I. The cops took my fake ID.
Come on, man, don't give me that my-dog-is-dead face.
- Come on, let's sing. - I'm not singing.
This is just retarded.
Come on, man, let it go. You'll feel better.
Yo, that was dope, Bob.
Take five?
We got to get out of here, man.
- That big dude is making me nervous. - Why?
Any time you see a White guy in jail, you know he did something bad.
We got to get a message to Uncle Phil. He's a lawyer, he'll get us out of here.
But they won't give us any more phone calls.
Not that it matters.
The game was on so loud, Mrs. Furth couldn't even hear what I said.
- The game? - Yeah, the football game on TV.
That's all they do at these retreats.
All right, we out of here. I got an idea.
- Yo! - Yeah.
My buddy here is ready to confess.
Come on! Look at this!
- He's going for a touchdown! - Go!
We interrupt this game for a special report.
You bum!
This is Steve Goddard of the Minuteman-21 news team...
at the Santa Juanesta police station.
The recent rash of car thefts in the Palm Springs area...
has been solved, as the perpetrators were arrested this evening.
The ringleader agreed to confess...
only if a camera crew were present to broadcast live.
What you are about to see is a Minuteman-21 news exclusive.
Yeah, we done it.
Word to Big Bird.
We flicked eight Benzitos, 15 Jags, and a Maserati!
But I didn't like the upholstery so I took it back, Jack!
Do you have anything to say?
Dad.
- Aunt Viv! - Dad!
Who's in charge here?
- I am. - Let those kids out.
- These kids are car thieves. - You have made a big mistake.
I don't know how you got that bogus confession out of them...
but those two boys haven't stolen a thing from anyone.
This is the biggest amateur operation I have seen since Mayberry R.F.D.
- Could you ask your wife to calm down? - Calm yourself, Barney Fife.
Vivian, please.
Officers, I'm sure we can clear this whole matter up quite easily.
Could you please sit down? We're busy now.
Honey, we're about to get very busy.
- Sit down! - Hey!
You don't talk to my wife like that.
Who the hell do you think you're talking...
Who the hell do you think you're talking to?
- What's going on? - May I help you, sir?
I'm Henry Furth.
Good news. Your car is safe and sound. And we've got the perpetrators.
Those aren't the perpetrators. Those are my partner's son and nephew.
Partner?
Legal partner.
I've got a few questions for you.
When you got this alleged confession from them...
did they have a lawyer present?
No. Because I'm their lawyer. Did you notify their parents?
No. Because we're their parents. So, Officer, don't tell us to wait.
And don't tell us to sit down.
Just open that damn cell and let those two boys out...
or I'll tie this place up with so much litigation...
that your grandchildren are gonna need lawyers!
Open the cell, Jerry.
Peace out, Bob.
POLICE
Geoffrey, I want a duck salad.
When exactly do you go back on duty?
When your parents walk through that door...
and not a moment sooner.
Hi. We're home.
Drat.
Hilary, how did everything go with Ashley?
Mother, she was a little angel.
She polished my nails and cleaned out my closet.
To reward her, we went to this café that's owned by John Cougar Mellencamp...
Kim Basinger, and Doogie Howser's business manager.
And we spent the afternoon drinking espresso.
You let Ashley drink espresso?
Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! Let's go play!
Come on, everybody, let's go play!
Not tonight, sweetie, we kind of had an exhausting weekend.
- What happened? - We got arrested.
- Arrested? - By who? The fashion police?
No. The police thought we stole Mr. Furth's car.
But they were just trying to do their jobs.
Why did they think you stole it?
Hilary, we've been over that all weekend. It's late.
I think we all should go to bed.
I don't want to. I want to play Monopoly, I want to jump up.
Let's go paint my room!
Geoffrey, some warm milk, please.
- Yo, Carlton. - Yeah?
Those cops were just trying to do their jobs?
Don't get all bent out of shape.
You didn't learn anything this weekend.
I most certainly did. Always bring a map.
What?
If we would have had a map...
we wouldn't have to drive 2 miles an hour to find a freeway entrance...
and we wouldn't have been stopped.
Okay. I get it now.
We were stopped because we were driving too slow.
We were breaking the slowness limit. Okay, I've never heard of that law before.
But I did hear this other law.
It's the "if you see a Black guy driving anything but a burned-out Pinto...
"you better stop him because he stole it" law.
I heard about that one.
But I thought it was "the Black guy law"...
when in actuality, it was the "slowness limit law."
Thank you for sharing that with me. Good night.
- They were just doing their job. - Good night, Carlton.
What's your complaint here? We were detained for a few hours...
Dad cleared things up, and we were released. The system works.
I hope you like that system...
'cause you'll be seeing a lot of it in your lifetime.
Not if I bring a map.
You just don't get it, do you?
No map is going to save you, and neither is your glee club...
or your fancy Bel-Air address or who your daddy is.
When you're driving in a nice car in a strange neighborhood...
none of that matters.
They only see one thing.
Maybe growing up where you did has made you a little touchy...
but I think you've blown this thing out of proportion.
If you look at the facts...
Carlton, it's late.
- It's a school day tomorrow, son. - Yeah, okay, Dad.
It was awfully nice of Mr. Furth to help us out.
I'll have to write him a thank-you note.
It shouldn't have happened in the first place, son.
Good night.
Dad.
If you were a policeman...
and you saw a car driving 2 miles an hour...
wouldn't you stop it?
I asked myself that question the first time I was stopped.
Good night, son.
I would stop it.
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